You’ve saved carefully, made thoughtful decisions, and built the financial resources to do some of the things you’ve spent years looking forward to. Then you consider paying for a family vacation, and suddenly your inner accountant would like to schedule an emergency meeting.
The financial plan says the expense is reasonable. You still feel irresponsible.
I see this more often than you might expect. A client tells me that family is their highest priority and that they want to spend more time together. But when an opportunity comes along to take everyone on a cruise, spending the money feels uncomfortable.
For someone who has spent decades practicing the art of saving, enjoying those savings can require a surprisingly different set of skills. Working through that spending guilt starts with understanding both what your financial plan can support and what you want your money to make possible.
Start by understanding what you can afford
Of course we need to answer the affordability question. We run the numbers, examine the assumptions, and stress-test the scenarios. I like math. I’m certainly not suggesting we skip that part.
But even after we’ve done the analysis, there may be more to discuss. Financial decisions carry expectations, habits, and beliefs about how life works.
Some people tend to believe things will be okay. Others can produce a fairly detailed list of everything that might go wrong before you’ve finished asking the question. Those perspectives influence how we interpret the same financial information.
A strong saver may struggle to spend an amount their plan can support. Someone more comfortable spending may need to slow down and understand how a purchase affects other priorities. Understanding those tendencies helps me know which questions to ask and where we need to look more closely.
Connect spending to your financial priorities
Let’s return to the family trip. If a client has told us that spending time with family matters deeply to them, that gives us something useful to revisit.
They wanted more of this time together. Here is an opportunity to have it. We’ve examined the financial implications, and the plan supports it.
That connection can change the conversation. The expense now has a purpose the client has already identified. We can talk about whether this particular experience serves that purpose and whether they feel comfortable with what it costs.
You can use the same question before a major purchase: What would this spending make possible that matters to me? For the family trip, the answer might be time together. Keep that purpose in view as you consider the cost and your options.
Put your financial purpose statement in writing
At Sorelle, we help clients create a financial purpose statement that captures what they want their resources to support. It gives us something to return to when a decision feels difficult, circumstances change, or worry starts doing most of the talking.
To start your own, finish this sentence: “I want my money to help me…” Be specific about the life or experiences you have in mind. “Spend more time with family” becomes more useful when you describe what that time might look like.
Bring that statement to your next financial planning conversation. You can examine whether your current saving and spending decisions support it, and what adjustments might be needed.
Remembering what matters to you is considerably easier on a quiet Tuesday than in the middle of a crisis.
Understand the tradeoffs before you decide
Sometimes a purchase fits comfortably within the plan. Other times, it requires an adjustment. You may be able to buy the vacation home if you work longer. You may be able to retire earlier if you spend less. You may prefer more experiences today and be comfortable with a later retirement date.
We can build those possibilities into the financial plan and compare them. But the numbers cannot decide how you feel about another few years of work. They also cannot tell us whether maintaining a second home sounds wonderful to you or suspiciously like acquiring another job.
That part requires a conversation. My role is to help you understand the consequences of a choice so you can decide whether the tradeoff is worthwhile. A workable option still needs to fit the person who will live with it.
Revisit financial goals as your life changes
People change. Financial goals sometimes take a little longer to get the memo.
I’ve seen clients who once wanted to retire as early as possible find work they enjoy and decide they would like to keep going. Others become less interested in the larger house or more expensive lifestyle they once worked toward. I’ve recognized shifts in my own priorities, too.
Yet it’s easy to keep pursuing a goal simply because it has been the goal for so long.
“I want to retire at 60” may have made perfect sense when you first said it. It’s still worth asking what you expect retirement to look like now, and whether that age continues to serve a purpose. The same goes for a target account balance. Reaching a number can feel satisfying. Understanding what that number allows you to do makes it useful.
Questions to ask before your next spending decision
Before your next major financial decision, consider:
What do I want this money to make possible?
Does this decision support something I’ve identified as important?
What would I need to give up or adjust?
Is my hesitation about the financial consequences, the discomfort of spending, or both?
Am I planning around what matters to me today?
You don’t need polished answers. You do need room to examine them. If the numbers support a decision and it still feels uncomfortable, bring that into the conversation. The hesitation itself can tell us something useful.
You’ve put considerable effort into building your financial resources. It’s worth putting thought into how you want to use them. Explore Sorelle’s financial planning approach if you’d like help connecting those decisions with your priorities.
Sara and I discuss this in Before the Numbers: What Do You Really Want Your Money to Do for You? on Her Wealth: Unscripted.
About Sorelle Wealth Partners
Sorelle Wealth Partners is a women-led wealth management firm that connects financial planning, investment management, tax strategy, and estate planning around clients’ lives and goals. We coordinate with clients’ CPAs and estate planning attorneys and provide thoughtful support through transitions such as divorce, widowhood, and retirement.